When you hear the word “holidays” it might drum up a few different visions. Maybe sitting by the fire with a book and a cozy mug of hot cocoa. Or perhaps your brain goes the other direction to paint a more realistic picture… rushing to get the kids in the car, wishing you had a moment alone, and spending more money than you should (or can) on gifts, decorations, travel, and who-knows-what-else. 

The holidays are often one of the most hectic times of year for families. But there are ways to add more peace into your season and make these times more fulfilling and less chaotic. 

Here are a few strategies that can help!

Set a Budget & Spending Plan

The holidays are often the most expensive time of the year. (And we know money is one of the biggest stressors!) Gifts for the kids and family add up quickly in addition to your ever-growing list. We recommend getting in the habit of planning your holiday budget in advance to reduce stress and boost enjoyment. 

Try to come up with a set budget of “holiday money” that you don’t want to exceed. Decide whether or not you will be traveling or attending events this year and work those expenses in first. Then figure out expenses for any needed holiday decorations. The last two categories should be holiday food & drink, and, finally, the biggest expense category -- gifts.

Tips for Saving Money 

• Take advantage of sales in the months leading up to the holidays: Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Small Business Saturday, Amazon Prime Day, and Tax-Free Weekend. 

• Order groceries online for pickup. Many grocery stores allow you to place your order online and schedule a pickup. It’s a bit easier to budget this way as you can look at your cart before checking out and remove any “impulse buy” items that are unnecessary. 

• Encourage your extended family to do a gift swap like Secret Santa or White Elephant, allowing family members to buy one gift rather than a gift for everyone. 

• If you are hosting an event or meal, do a potluck! Don’t feel obligated to foot the bill for a big meal if it’s going to stress you out. Everyone loves a good potluck and it’s much more budget-friendly for the hosts. 

• Go with DIY gifts and gifts of quality time/service whenever you can. 
  

Set boundaries! Remember that the high expectations we feel around the holidays are often created by ourselves. Perfection is impossible.

Be Flexible & Anticipate Change

One parental pressure that often goes overlooked is the pressure to uphold traditions. The holiday season is a big time for traditions and it can be triggering to kids (and parents!) when those traditions change. 

For example, if a holiday dinner is held at grandma’s house for 12 years in a row and then grandma goes to the hospital or is placed in a retirement home, that change is going to create tension, discomfort, and sadness. 

So, how do you avoid this? Well, avoiding change is impossible - and knowing that is a good start. But there are ways you can avoid the fallout from changing traditions. Here are a few:

• Diversify your traditions: start new, small traditions each year so that if one thing shifts, there will still be some familiarity

• Be open and have conversations with your kids about change. Encourage them to share what makes them happy and what makes them sad during this time of year. 

• Remember that the pressure of creating “holiday magic” doesn’t rest entirely on your shoulders. And that simple things can be magical - like a holiday movie night, toasting marshmallows, or reading festive bedtime stories. 

• Start some traditions that can be done no matter what, meaning, they don’t rely on certain family members, houses, or locations (things that can change). For example, volunteering in the community every Christmas Eve. Or, moving around the “elf-on-the-shelf.” These are things that can always be done, no matter where you are.

Prioritize Your Nuclear Family’s Needs

The holiday season has a tendency to get derailed by external expectations. Ex: “We always go to my aunt’s house because she insists on having the family up there.”

Whether you’re making a long drive you don’t want to make or your kids are cranky and exhausted from too much time with extended family, much of the holiday stress often boils down to obligations. 

Of course, not all obligations can be canceled. However, it’s important to really listen to the needs of your family unit during the holidays. Find out what they really want and try to hit a balance. A happier, more joyful household with fewer temper tantrums means less stress for you.  

Maybe you have a toddler with a pretty short attention span. If you need to skip that long church service to alleviate some stress, that’s okay! Be realistic about the limitations of a toddler and don’t feel bad setting boundaries with your larger family based on those limitations. 

Or perhaps you have a teenager on holiday break who misses her friends. Try not to take it personally that they’re not crazy about all of this family time. Maybe let them have a holiday-themed party with their friends or host a sleepover. 

Finally, communicate with your spouse. Nothing makes holiday stress boil over like fighting with your partner. Make sure you’re on the same page with travel plans, spending, gift expectations, etc. Try to be flexible and find compromises where there are disagreements. 

Ultimately, try to remember the meaning of the holiday season. It’s about quality time with the people you love most and reflecting with gratitude on what you have. Keep that in mind when the stress begins to mount and hopefully, it’ll help put things into perspective.

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